A New Years Prayer...

December 31, 2009
New Year’s Eve. The close of one year, the start of a new chapter. But really, it’s just one more day... I hadn’t even thought of a New Year’s resolution! We went to church right after dinner for the service, bundled in layer upon layer of clothes to fight off the bone-creaking cold seeping through the night air. I had on 3 long sleeved shirts with my hoodie over them, two pairs of pants (and I should have worn 3!), and 2 pairs of socks! That topped with a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and over my ears, covering my mouth and nose, leaving only my eyes and forehead showing. I probably looked like some sort of strange Middle Eastern snow man!

Anyway, so, we started by singing for an hour or so, thanking God for all that He’s done in 2009 and all that He’s going to do in 2010! We sang some songs I knew, and a lot I didn’t, and then we did a short lesson over the Passover and God giving the Israelites a new start as he led them out of Egypt. God led them by day and by night, through obedience and disobedience. It was a pretty cool passage to ring in the New Years, especially since that’s what I read in the morning on my own as well! I love when God does that :).

Then, they played some Nepali Christian film which I probably could have followed if I had tried to, but I’ve been going through “A Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning and was smart enough to bring it with me to read during the movie. And as I read, I discovered what I want for this year. I want to live by grace. I know, that sounds like a cop-out, but let me explain. As I’ve read through this book and searched through the parallel Bible passages, I’ve begun to see this fervor in grace that I hadn’t ever seen before. And I certainly hadn’t let myself live in it before!

I knew Christ died for my sins and rose again in triumph, but rarely do I accept that as full payment for myself before God. It’s head knowledge, not heart knowledge. So often, I find myself doing the right things for all the wrong reasons. Once again, I’m diminishing the power of the cross thinking I have to add to it to earn God’s love and acceptance. I need to do X, Y, and Z today in order to fulfill my end of the deal. And as I’ve read about God’s overwhelming grace with fresh eyes, I’ve found myself floored at the reality that I have freedom in Christ. NOTHING I do will make Him love me more or less! Not to say I should stop doing right, obviously, but I can do what’s right out of gratitude that He’s loved me first and I’m not earning any more “points” with Him by doing good. My love and service can be unconditional, an outpouring of the reality that God’s saved me and His Grace is enough!

Now that’s easy to say, yet my pride makes it incredibly difficult to live. But, this is what I want to learn most this year- how to live in the freedom of Christ’s love and grace while serving Him to the fullest. And I’m beginning to see that I can’t have one without the other. I can’t serve Christ to the fullest when I’m trying to earn His favor, since the only way I can really give the full love of God is when I’ve experienced it myself. And when I experience God’s love and grace to the fullest, I can’t help but serve Christ to the fullest, as my heart stills in wonder and amazement at the price paid for me. I want to stop minimizing Jesus’ incredible work on the cross through my prideful intentions of earning God’s love and grace. Basically, I want to know that grace in a way that bleeds into all I do. That’s pretty much my New Year’s prayer (I never keep resolutions. a New Year’s prayer has a much higher probability of achieving something substantial!). To quote Manning, "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it!" And that, my friends, is good news this new year!